One Month

If I had a dollar for every time someone has told me over the last month to cherish every moment with my new tiny human, I could send said little tiny human to college. Like tomorrow. And not even a cheap school, we're talking private liberal arts college (see you in 2034, Milligan!). Don't get me wrong, it's great advice. I blinked and now he's outgrowing his newborn pajamas and wearing big kid clothes...ok, maybe it's just 0-3 month clothes but it feels like big kid clothes to this sobbing mess of a new mom. I'm thankful for this advice and have been doing my absolute best to make every moment count so not a single second is wasted, but I had a realization today. As hard as I try to savor each minute with my son, it just simply will never be enough. I will never feel completely satisfied in the time I have with him. As negative as that sounds, it's really quite beautiful. 

Paxton Jarrett, I simply cannot get enough of you. Everything you are is infinitely more than my heart can contain. I could spend every second of every day taking you in, holding you in my arms, smelling your scent, and staring at your perfect face, and it would never be enough. This love I have for you is so much deeper than anything I've ever experienced before, and my heart and my mind can't even comprehend it. I cannot and will not ever get enough of you.

So for now I'll put down my phone and turn off the tv.

I'll stare deeply into your dark blue eyes and pray you always see life as a great big adventure.

I'll memorize your hurricane-like cowlick that perfectly matches your daddy's and hope you turn out exactly like him in every way.

I'll rub my fingers along your tiny hands and imagine the work you'll do with them someday.

I'll hold your long, skinny feet and dream about all the amazing places in the world they will go.

I'll listen to your small but mighty voice as you coo and cry and think about the words you'll one day speak and the songs you'll one day sing.

I'll take you all in. I'll memorize every detail. I'll cherish every second of everyday, all the while knowing that it will never be enough. I will never be satisfied in the amount of time I have with you, because I will always want more...and I wouldn't have it any other way.