We've officially moved up to #9 on the waiting list...

Top 10!

Single digits!

Merry Christmas to us!

The Great Wait

Remember that time I was reading a scripture about waiting on the Lord while on stage at our first Advent service this past Sunday in front of hundreds of people and it didn’t hit me until exactly THAT moment that this season of waiting was so unbelievably powerful for me that I started crying and could barely even finish the sentence? Ahh yes. Just another typical “Maggie has no emotional control whatsoever” moment. Surely that’s a scientific symptom of adoption, right? I recently described it to someone like this – If at any regular moment in life your emotional state is at a 5, I basically start crying if it jumps anywhere above a 6 or below a 4. Happy about red holiday cups returning to Starbucks? I cry. Sad that my favorite character died on Walking Dead? Instant tears. Excited that my husband put Christmas lights on our house?  Hot mess.  I’m basically a ticking emotional time bomb.

I digress.

I’ve never taken Advent that seriously until this year. I think it’s because I never really had a grasp on waiting until this year. Yes, I’ve waited for an upcoming vacation, and I’ve waited for holidays, and I’ve waited for my food at a restaurant before (but let’s be real, this is why I go to Chick-fil-a. Seriously, do they have ninjas working in the kitchen or what? My food is ready before I even get my ketchup), but never in a way like this. The uncertainty of the future does not do well for my gotta-have-a-plan mind, but the beauty of what God is teaching me through it cannot be overlooked.

I was recently reading through Luke 1 and saw something that I’ve passed over multiple times before. In this chapter, Luke is telling of the pregnancies of Mary and Elizabeth and their time together before each of their babies were born. Elizabeth is welcoming Mary into her home and says the following statement,

“Blessed is she who believed that there would be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord.”

This hit me like a ton of bricks. Elizabeth doesn’t say “blessed is she who has already seen the fulfillment and because of that trusts that God knew what He was doing.” No. She says, “blessed is she who believed.” Mary has no clue what the heck God is doing right now. She doesn’t understand the plan. She doesn’t know what this whole thing is going to play out to be. BUT she knew what God had spoken to her, and she trusted Him based on His word.

As a Jew, she was told there would be a Messiah.

As a pregnant teenager, she was told there would be a baby that makes the difficult journey worth it.

As a daughter of the King, she was told there would be redemption.

She didn’t demand proof. She didn’t ask to see the plan laid out in front of her. She simply said, “Let it be to me according to your word.”

Whatever you’re waiting for this Advent season, remember this:

The Lord has spoken. He promises hope. He promises peace. He promises joy. He promises love.

Blessed is she who believes there will be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord.

What TO say to waiting families...

If you’re anything like me, you love reading those articles that tell you everything NOT to say to adoptive families. Things like…

“How much did they cost?”

“But why don’t you want kids of your own?”

“You know they’re going to end up having a ton of issues, right?”

We haven’t even been matched to a child yet but we’ve heard quite the list of memorable things. We’ve experienced people asking out of pure curiosity and a desire to know more about our journey (you’re sweet, you can stay) to people asking out of sheer disapproval and a desire to make us change our minds (you’re rude, get out of here). Whatever the case may be, adoption is a foreign concept to many people and it’s our job as adoptive families to inform the world of not only what NOT to say, but also what TO say and do through these journeys.

I’ve compiled a list of a few things that people in our circle have done and said that have absolutely blessed us more than words can say as we have been in the waiting stage. Our people are A.MAZ.ING. I can’t say it enough. From our neighbors to family members to bank tellers to friends to church family to random strangers who hear about what God has called us to, we are blessed. It takes a village and our village is simply the best.

1. Tell them you’re praying for them.

It may sound cliché, but its true. When people tell us they are asking for the Lord’s guidance and protection for us and for our child, it means the world. There is NO greater thing you can do for an adoptive family than to pray for them.  

Our friends have been so creative with this. Some families have told us they pray for us on their daily walks as they pass by our house. Others have told us they pray for us during church when my husband leads worship. When we shared that we had moved up to 11^th on the waiting list, someone told us they will be praying for us every day at 11:00.

2. Celebrate small victories with them.

Moving up one spot on an unending waiting list may not seem like much to you, but to an adoptive family awaiting that ever so important phone call, it’s basically like winning a million dollars. I remember when we FINALLY (as in waiting-for-this-piece-of-paper-for-four-months kind of FINALLY) got my husband’s birth certificate. Our people went insane. You would have thought we had just won the Boston Marathon as excited as they were. It was incredible.

3. Get your kids involved.

One of my absolute favorite moments from our journey so far has been when I found a random assortment of candy, beads, and hand-picked flowers on our front porch with a note written in the cutest 5-year old handwriting I’ve ever seen from our “secret nebers” saying how excited they were about our adoption. “Will it be a boy or a gal? I can’t wait until it happense.” Our neighbors share our journey with their kids, telling them about their new friend that will soon be arriving. What an incredible blessing to know our child already has friends that are SO excited to run around the cul-de-sac with, get dirty with, and do life with!

4. Surprise them with fun things during the waiting period.

A few months ago, my friends planned a surprise get-together for me as an encouragement in our waiting. OH MY WORD. It could not have been more perfect. We went to a pottery-painting place and all the girls painted things for our child’s room! There were cupcakes, coffee, and beautiful company. They all wrote notes and placed them in a jar for me to read when I needed to be reminded of God’s faithfulness, and spent time praying for us and our child at the end of the night. It was such a random gesture that I spent the first few minutes of it completely shocked and trying to figure out what on earth we were even celebrating. I honestly thought we had walked into someone else’s surprise party until I realized I knew everyone in the room. It was so perfectly unexpected and meant the world to me.

5. Let them cry.

Sometimes I cry because the thought of the loss and tragedy our child will experience before even learning to read is unbearable to me. Sometimes I cry because I miss our child whom I’ve never seen so much that it hurts. Sometimes I cry for their birth mother, because for one reason or another she will not see them start Kindergarten, or wear a cap and gown, or marry the love of their life, or raise a child of their own. For whatever reason it is, I do a lot of crying. As beautiful as adoption is, it comes as a result of something horrific, and it’s ok to mourn that. In fact, it’s healthy. I am so thankful for the friends who don’t feel awkward when I sob over the phone, the adoptive moms I see at church who let me cry in their arms in the middle of the lobby on a Sunday morning, and our family members who understand firsthand the joy and the tragedy of raising someone else’s baby.

The waiting period hasn’t been the easiest, but these beautiful gestures from our friends have been such an encouragement. We are reminded by their words and actions everyday that God has called us to something that he promises to bring to fruition, and for them we are forever grateful.

We're now #11 on the waiting list!

Movin' on up...one (cari)baby step at a time.

On The List!

I never promised to update our blog regularly, just remember that when you look at the 5 month difference in this post and the last. This is a judge-free zone, deal? 

It feels like a lot has happened in the last few months in the adoption journey! Here is a little timeline to get you caught up:

March 6: 

We submitted our i600a, which is the application to the U.S. Government petitioning to be able to adopt internationally. This is also the form we must fill out in order to get our biometrics (fingerprinting) appointment. They basically send you a letter with a date, time, and location (Ft. Smith, AR or Kansas City, MO...both are over 2 hours away) and you have to drop everything and be there. Not stressful at all, right?

March 11: 

We got an email that our i600a was received and being processed!

March 20: 

We received our biometrics appointment! We knew we had a trip to Baltimore and a trip to Texas planned in the near future so that meant there were only 4 days out of the next few months we couldn't make it to an appointment. Guess when our first appointment was ... when we were in Baltimore. We submitted a request for a new appointment and had high hopes we would get a good one!

March 30: 

We received our next biometrics appointment! Guess when it was ... when we were in Texas. Of course. Because that's how adoption journeys go.

April 1: 

Bad news: We received a letter saying our home study was missing the sentence, "The child's bedroom meets the requirements set forth by the state of Missouri." Because of that, our i600a wasn't accepted yet. Good news: Our social worker is amazing and added in the sentence, got 4 new notarized copies, and brought them to us so we could send them off!

April 9: 

We received our next biometrics appointment! WE WERE AVAILABLE! We put it on our calendars with permanent marker (ok, Isaac put it in his phone but I am basically living in the Stone Age and put it in my trusty planner) and vowed to be there, come hell or high water.

April 15: 

Y'all. I have the sweetest friends EVER. Seriously. Ever. Just when I thought I was about to lose my mind with this process, they COMPLETELY surprised me and planned a fun night of painting pottery for the nursery, eating yummy cupcakes, and giving me sweet encouragement. My cup runneth over.

April 18: 

We FINALLY received Isaac's long-awaited birth certificate from the U.S. State Department! We had been waiting on this for a couple of month's and weren't able to send in our dossier without it. Isaac was born in England so in order to get certified copies of his documents, we basically had to sell our souls to the government in exchange...Ok, it wasn't really that bad. But we DID have to wait a million years for it. Or 3 months. Whatever. It wasn't good. Moral of the story: be born in America OR if you're born in England, at least have a sexy accent to make the wait more tolerable for your wife.

April 21: 

We submitted our dossier (big stack of paperwork with everything from marriage license to life insurance policies to doctor's notes to proof that we're not horrible people)! Once our agency received this, we were officially on the list waiting to be matched with a precious Caribbean child that needs a family. 

As of now, we are on the waiting list and have absolutely no idea how long until our number is up. It could be tomorrow, or it could be in 12 months. My stick-to-my-paper-planner-and-always-know-what's-happening-a-year-in-advance self loves this aspect. Or not. 

But in all seriousness, we are so thankful to be on this journey. This time of waiting has been so unbelievably sweet. We are loving our last bit of life together as a twosome and eagerly anticipating life as a threesome (or foursome? I'm praying for twins!). God has been faithful to remind us of our purpose in this: to be able to show love, comfort, protection, and hope to a child who otherwise may not know those things and above all to make the love, comfort, protection, and hope of our Father known to a world who otherwise may not see it. When those things are the end goal, how could we ever complain about the wait? We look forward to the day when we get to tell our child about the way God orchestrated every detail for their joy and for His glory. 

See you in 5 months! Just kidding. I'll do better. Maybe. 

Sometimes you just need some inspiration from your 3rd grade teacher to get you blogging again. Thanks, Mrs. Pybus! 

Broken Expectations

We had a lot of expectations coming into our adoption journey. We expected to be exhausted. We expected heartbreaks. We expected confusion and impatience. We expected people to not understand. We expected negative comments from friends and strangers alike. We have been connected to enough people’s adoption journeys that we knew it wasn’t all rainbows and butterflies.

What we did not expect was to see our friends, family, neighbors, and community rise up to link arms with us and walk beside us down this road in such an incredible and humbling way. We have been absolutely blown away at the support we have received.

It’s truly overwhelming to look back at the last 10 months and see what God has accomplished through the people in our lives...

-Last summer, two dear sweet friends handed us a check for $1,000 to begin the raising of our funds. These friends are young and in ministry alongside us (a.k.a. they don’t make the big bucks). Their sacrifice for the sake of our family is something we will never forget.

-In November, we held the Caribaby Craft Sale in our home to raise adoption funds. 50 people from across the country made the most amazing handmade treasures you’ve ever seen. We had bags from Wyoming, bows from Georgia, ties from Ohio, prints, jewelry, and scarves from Texas, and an unending list of things from our amazing Missouri family and beyond. Every flat surface in our house was covered with something to be sold. Over 100 people packed into every square inch of our home one Friday night to help us meet our goal. Our neighbors made goodies for everyone to eat. Our best friends kept things organized and took the money. And I walked around in a daze crying every 5 minutes because our people are a-maz-ing. Also I didn’t realize until halfway through the night that I never changed out of my house shoes. Whatevs. That night we raised $4100. Say whaaaat??

-Over the last few months, it hasn’t been uncommon for people to slip a $100 bill in our hands as they walk past us at church on a Sunday morning. It isn't rare to open the mailbox and find a card with a check inside from family and friends all over the country who want to partner with us in following this call. Again, our people are a-maz-ing.

-About a month ago, we received a text from our pastor asking how much we still needed to meet our financial goal, which at that point was $11,000. A week or so after that, he called us into his office and handed us an envelope. Inside was an anonymous cashier’s check for $11,000.  He said it was from a family in our church who was thankful for our ministries and wanted us to not have to worry about the rest of the cost. 
Because of this gift, our adoption is completely funded. 
Is this real life?! 

God called us to something we were terrified to jump into. When we switched to working with an agency, our costs raised from $15,000 to $27,000. When we were debating whether or not to make the switch, my dad said this to me, “Maggie, you are not allowed to not follow this plan out of fear of finances. Money is an obstacle God can use his people to overcome in a matter of seconds. You can say no, but not because of money.” He was more than right. Our thankfulness for the people God has surrounded us with grows immensely every day.

We could not be more excited to raise our child in this community of people. 

It takes a village, and our village is simply the best.

The journey begins...

This past year, we began talking about expanding our family. We knew we were becoming ready to be parents someday soon, but when we thought about starting our family with a biological child, there was a disconnect. We were ready to be parents, but not ready to have a baby. That made absolutely no sense to us but we couldn't ignore it.

In April, after much prayer and a trip to the beautiful and amazing country of Haiti, we decided to make adoption the basis of our family growth and begin the process of adopting a baby from the Caribbean! We could not have been more excited! ... and also terrified, very terrified. Let's be honest. 

We began working with some amazing people in St. Vincent & the Grenadines (SVG) to start the private adoption process. We filled out the application, completed our home study, and began compiling our documents. We were on our way to becoming a family of 3! It was just about this time that we learned about the Universal Accreditation Act (UAA) which was signed into effect to essentially ban private international adoptions as of July 14, 2014. We knew we would most likely not have our adoption completed by then so we decided to end the private adoption route. We were heartbroken and confused. 

(p.s. the UAA may be causing some problems for potential adoptive families, but the hope is for it to provide protection and advocacy for orphans and birth parents. We're big fans of adoption ethics so our hope is for this purpose to be accomplished!) 

Rewind 7 months...

In April, when we first decided to adopt from the Caribbean, we contacted Creative Adoptions, Inc., an agency that works in SVG, Dominica, and now St. Lucia. I asked if they could give me some information regarding adoption in SVG but I let them know we were going the private route and that we would not be working with them. They told us that they have a waiting list to be able to apply and asked if we wanted to be on it anyway. We said no. Bad move, Schades.

Fast forward 7 months...

In November, following the UAA discovery, we were sad and confused and had no clue what to do next. It was just about that time that Creative Adoptions, Inc. contacted us and said, "Congratulations! You're at the top of our waiting list and you are now able to apply for your adoption!" Say what!? Remember how I so confidently assured them that we did not want to be on their list because we had it all figured out and knew it was going to work perfectly according to our plan?! Well thank goodness for divine intervention! We happily accepted and began round 2 of adoption applications! 

We have been accepted to their Eastern Caribbean program and are working on compiling our dossier (a fancy word meaning "more paperwork than you even thought possible") and revising our home study (shout out to our awesome social worker, Jeremey Wolfe, for making a million changes to get it agency-ready!). Once all of this is finished, we will take our official place on the waiting list! 

Once we are matched with a child (which shouldn't be longer than 12 months from now, fingers crossed), we will make an immediate short trip down to meet the our child. Then, we'll come back home (without the our baby) for 3-6 months to wait for our court date. Be prepared for Hot-Mess-Maggie during that time. Cookie dough is welcomed. After the court date, the THREE of us will come home!

That's where we're at now. We'll keep you updated as we know more. Thank you for your prayers and encouragement. We could not survive this insane process without it!