I've been in the process of writing this post for a few months now, but have been hesitant to do so out of fear of offending someone or someone fearing they have offended us. As much as I don't want those things to happen, we decided from the beginning to be transparent about our adoption journey in an effort to encourage others on similar journeys and I feel that it's important to write this. So here it goes...
Since we announced we were pregnant, we have received the most beautiful encouragement and congratulations. Our people were OVERJOYED for us and it made us even more excited to be welcoming this baby into our world. We started noticing a trend, however, in some people's reactions that made us wonder what they were thinking. People would say things like "This is a HUGE miracle!" or "I was praying this would happen for you!" Others would say things like "I told you! All you had to do was decide to adopt and it would happen!" It became very clear that a lot of people were assuming we were adopting because we weren't able to get pregnant.
Many people (some of my very favorite people in the world, actually) decide to adopt after experiencing infertility. Their journeys are incredible. The redemption that God brings when he weaves families together in this way is amazing. Adoption after infertility is a beautiful story, but it's not our story.
I wanted to share this truth for 3 very important reasons:
1) Transparency is huge to us. We want people to know our story, our failures, our victories. As difficult as it has been as times, we want to be real. We choose to be honest and open. We believe this is the only way that true community can happen. When we realized that people were understanding our story to be different than reality, we wanted to tell the true version.
2) Couples who have experienced infertility are some of the bravest and strongest people I've ever met. My friends and family who have dreamed their whole lives of carrying a baby in their wombs and suddenly aren't able to have an inner strength deeper than most people I know. I would be honored to be seen as one of these women, but I'm not one. I don't have their strength. I don't have their patience. I don't have their unwavering joy despite the loss suffered. I'm not worthy to be in their camp.
3) Families come to the journey of adoption in many different ways. Some have biological children first then adopt, some experience infertility and decide to adopt after that, and some choose to adopt before or instead of trying to have biological children. The reasons that families adopt are far less important than the fact that they actually are adopting. So when someone tells you they are adopting, it's ok to not assume you know the reasons that led to that decision. In fact, it's encouraging to adoptive families to celebrate that decision simply because God led them to it, regardless of what road he used to get them there!
I don't know why God chose that April day in 2013 to tell us to adopt, but he did.
I don't know why he gave us a passion for adoption before giving us a passion for biological children, but he did.
I don't know why he put adoption on our hearts without us having to experience infertility, but he did.
And finally, I don't know why he decided to bless us with the gift of this baby in my belly before blessing us with our adopted child, but he did.
This is our story, and we love it. Not because we think it's better than anyone else's, but simply because its ours.
