My Love

In the spirit of Valentine’s Day, I wanted to take some time to brag on my curly-headed, basketball-loving, guitar-playing husband. There’s no one else in the world I would rather walk this beautiful/gut-wrenching/joyful/heart-breaking/amazing road of adoption with than him, and there are so many reasons why. We’re new to the world of adoptive parents, but you would think Isaac had been preparing for it his whole life (and sometimes I doubt that God has been orchestrating this forever WHY?). Here is a list of things that prove why my baby daddy is the best ever.

-He didn’t flip out when I first mentioned adopting before trying to have biological kids. In fact, he was totally on board. I was prepared for him to shut me down immediately but he did no such thing. He was all in from the get-go.

-He’s basically the calmest person ever. I freak out about anything even remotely bad or remotely good in life. Anything above or below completely neutral causes an extreme reaction in me. He is my constant.

-I have spent my entire life coming up with baby names (I’m a girl, it’s what we do). I had list upon list upon list of names that I’ve doodled on notebooks since elementary school and was 100% sure we would use. Then one day out of the blue, he suggested a boy’s name and I melted. Completely melted. It was perfect. It was so completely us. My entire life had been devoted to naming our future children and in one instant he completed the task. Whether we use that name for Caribaby, a belly baby, or a goldfish, it’s perfect.

-He is SO excited to be a dad. Before we decided to adopt, I questioned whether or not he even wanted to be a father. Not because he ever expressed that, but because (again, remember who I am) I am 100% expressive about EVERY TINY DETAIL and he is calm about EVERY TINY DETAIL. He expresses his excitement different than I do, and I love him for it.

-When the emotional roller coaster of being on a waiting list was too much for me, he took over. He became the one to communicate with our agency and to check in when the time was right. He worked on the US Embassy issues and faxed every document imaginable to the Caribbean.

-He tells me often what a great mother he thinks I will be. Whenever I doubt my ability to handle whatever is to come in our future as parents, he reminds me that it’s not up to us to succeed, its up to us to let Jesus be the center and let him restore and reconcile all things back to himself in the most perfect way.

I love you, Schade. Thanks for being my favorite part of every day.

Number 8 feels oh so great!

Movin' on up!

I Am The Lord, Your God

In the fall of 2012, we built a house. Let’s be real, we didn’t actually build it ourselves. If that were the case we would be homeless at this point. Neither my husband nor I have much skill in the carpentry/electrical/plumbing/really anything remotely resembling construction area. I remember going to build houses in Mexico with my youth group in high school and it was always quite an interesting experience. My friends and I would help as much as we could but we usually ended up playing with the neighborhood kids. I think the homeowners were thankful when they saw us put our hammers and saws down in exchange for soccer balls and baby dolls.

Anyway, back to my original point. When we built our house, our amazing builders gave us a family Bible and encouraged us to read through the entire Bible in a year. We thought this would be a fun challenge and something really beneficial to us and our ministries, so we decided to do it through the year 2013.

I’m a pastor. My husband is a pastor. The Bible is kind of a big deal for us. But we had NO idea how impactful reading the Bible as an entire story would be for us as individuals, us as a couple, and us as adoptive parents. To see the gospel laid out from beginning (like legit Adam and Eve beginning) to end was incredible. We felt like we, for the first time, were reading a narrative instead of just bits and pieces of wisdom here and there.

One of the most influential aspects of scripture was a theme running through the Old Testament. After Moses frees the Israelite slaves from their captivity in Egypt and they begin wandering the desert, there are SO many times the Israelites panic and complain and question whether or not God is actually going to lead them to the Promised Land. They doubt his faithfulness because they cannot see the full plan laid out in front of them.

Pause here. THIS IS SO ME. I am all about following the Lord’s leading on things. I love stepping out in faith and taking risks that God has called me to take. I’m a little bit of a spontaneity-junkie so this kind of thing is right up my alley. HOWEVER, I am not all about walking in faith. I want to see the plan. I want to see the itinerary. I want to know what adventure is coming next. I want to see the destination and keep my eyes focused on it. The Israelites were all in when Moses said “It’s go time, grab that unleavened bread and peace out.” However, when they started wandering the wilderness and didn’t have the end in sight, they panicked and questioned God’s faithfulness.

When God said, “Hey Maggie & Isaac, it’s go time. Adopt a child. Start that paperwork. The time is now.” - we were all in. It wasn’t a long drawn out process of us going back and forth asking if we should or shouldn’t. We literally had one conversation about it and were so confident in God’s leading that we knew adoption was what we needed to do. I don’t say this to brag or to say “look how faithful we are,” because that is the furthest thing from the truth. As willing as I was to step out and begin the process, I was even more unwilling to trust him through it.

Throughout the Old Testament, we see the Israelites begging God for answers, questioning his plan, and demanding to know the destination. Each time this happens, God simply says “I am the Lord your God who brought you out of the land of Egypt.” He is referring them back to his greatest act of faithfulness in their lives. He is saying, “You are doubting that I know what I’m doing BUT remember who I am. I am the one who rescued you from slavery. I am the one who gave you freedom. I am the one who began this journey in the first place. I AM.”

When our adoption journey took turns that we weren’t prepared for, we were reminded of these passages, and reminded of God’s previous faithfulness. Every time something fell through, God referred us back to the times when he made a way out of something impossible. Every time we felt defeated, God referred us back to a time when he claimed victory. Every time we doubted that adoption was for us, God referred us back to the very moment when he opened our hearts to it.

We’re slow learners so we knew if we weren’t constantly reminded of the ways God was faithful, that we would lose sight of them. We put up a chalkboard in our house that we have to look at every time we walk into our bedroom. We started listing ways that God showed his unbelievable power and mercy throughout our process. Every day we are reminded of his faithfulness in our adoption journey. I want to never lose sight of that or forget those moments when he made a way for the impossible.

“I am the Lord your God who brought you up out of Egypt. Open wide your mouth and I will fill it.” Psalm 81.10

We've officially moved up to #9 on the waiting list...

Top 10!

Single digits!

Merry Christmas to us!

The Great Wait

Remember that time I was reading a scripture about waiting on the Lord while on stage at our first Advent service this past Sunday in front of hundreds of people and it didn’t hit me until exactly THAT moment that this season of waiting was so unbelievably powerful for me that I started crying and could barely even finish the sentence? Ahh yes. Just another typical “Maggie has no emotional control whatsoever” moment. Surely that’s a scientific symptom of adoption, right? I recently described it to someone like this – If at any regular moment in life your emotional state is at a 5, I basically start crying if it jumps anywhere above a 6 or below a 4. Happy about red holiday cups returning to Starbucks? I cry. Sad that my favorite character died on Walking Dead? Instant tears. Excited that my husband put Christmas lights on our house?  Hot mess.  I’m basically a ticking emotional time bomb.

I digress.

I’ve never taken Advent that seriously until this year. I think it’s because I never really had a grasp on waiting until this year. Yes, I’ve waited for an upcoming vacation, and I’ve waited for holidays, and I’ve waited for my food at a restaurant before (but let’s be real, this is why I go to Chick-fil-a. Seriously, do they have ninjas working in the kitchen or what? My food is ready before I even get my ketchup), but never in a way like this. The uncertainty of the future does not do well for my gotta-have-a-plan mind, but the beauty of what God is teaching me through it cannot be overlooked.

I was recently reading through Luke 1 and saw something that I’ve passed over multiple times before. In this chapter, Luke is telling of the pregnancies of Mary and Elizabeth and their time together before each of their babies were born. Elizabeth is welcoming Mary into her home and says the following statement,

“Blessed is she who believed that there would be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord.”

This hit me like a ton of bricks. Elizabeth doesn’t say “blessed is she who has already seen the fulfillment and because of that trusts that God knew what He was doing.” No. She says, “blessed is she who believed.” Mary has no clue what the heck God is doing right now. She doesn’t understand the plan. She doesn’t know what this whole thing is going to play out to be. BUT she knew what God had spoken to her, and she trusted Him based on His word.

As a Jew, she was told there would be a Messiah.

As a pregnant teenager, she was told there would be a baby that makes the difficult journey worth it.

As a daughter of the King, she was told there would be redemption.

She didn’t demand proof. She didn’t ask to see the plan laid out in front of her. She simply said, “Let it be to me according to your word.”

Whatever you’re waiting for this Advent season, remember this:

The Lord has spoken. He promises hope. He promises peace. He promises joy. He promises love.

Blessed is she who believes there will be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord.

What TO say to waiting families...

If you’re anything like me, you love reading those articles that tell you everything NOT to say to adoptive families. Things like…

“How much did they cost?”

“But why don’t you want kids of your own?”

“You know they’re going to end up having a ton of issues, right?”

We haven’t even been matched to a child yet but we’ve heard quite the list of memorable things. We’ve experienced people asking out of pure curiosity and a desire to know more about our journey (you’re sweet, you can stay) to people asking out of sheer disapproval and a desire to make us change our minds (you’re rude, get out of here). Whatever the case may be, adoption is a foreign concept to many people and it’s our job as adoptive families to inform the world of not only what NOT to say, but also what TO say and do through these journeys.

I’ve compiled a list of a few things that people in our circle have done and said that have absolutely blessed us more than words can say as we have been in the waiting stage. Our people are A.MAZ.ING. I can’t say it enough. From our neighbors to family members to bank tellers to friends to church family to random strangers who hear about what God has called us to, we are blessed. It takes a village and our village is simply the best.

1. Tell them you’re praying for them.

It may sound cliché, but its true. When people tell us they are asking for the Lord’s guidance and protection for us and for our child, it means the world. There is NO greater thing you can do for an adoptive family than to pray for them.  

Our friends have been so creative with this. Some families have told us they pray for us on their daily walks as they pass by our house. Others have told us they pray for us during church when my husband leads worship. When we shared that we had moved up to 11^th on the waiting list, someone told us they will be praying for us every day at 11:00.

2. Celebrate small victories with them.

Moving up one spot on an unending waiting list may not seem like much to you, but to an adoptive family awaiting that ever so important phone call, it’s basically like winning a million dollars. I remember when we FINALLY (as in waiting-for-this-piece-of-paper-for-four-months kind of FINALLY) got my husband’s birth certificate. Our people went insane. You would have thought we had just won the Boston Marathon as excited as they were. It was incredible.

3. Get your kids involved.

One of my absolute favorite moments from our journey so far has been when I found a random assortment of candy, beads, and hand-picked flowers on our front porch with a note written in the cutest 5-year old handwriting I’ve ever seen from our “secret nebers” saying how excited they were about our adoption. “Will it be a boy or a gal? I can’t wait until it happense.” Our neighbors share our journey with their kids, telling them about their new friend that will soon be arriving. What an incredible blessing to know our child already has friends that are SO excited to run around the cul-de-sac with, get dirty with, and do life with!

4. Surprise them with fun things during the waiting period.

A few months ago, my friends planned a surprise get-together for me as an encouragement in our waiting. OH MY WORD. It could not have been more perfect. We went to a pottery-painting place and all the girls painted things for our child’s room! There were cupcakes, coffee, and beautiful company. They all wrote notes and placed them in a jar for me to read when I needed to be reminded of God’s faithfulness, and spent time praying for us and our child at the end of the night. It was such a random gesture that I spent the first few minutes of it completely shocked and trying to figure out what on earth we were even celebrating. I honestly thought we had walked into someone else’s surprise party until I realized I knew everyone in the room. It was so perfectly unexpected and meant the world to me.

5. Let them cry.

Sometimes I cry because the thought of the loss and tragedy our child will experience before even learning to read is unbearable to me. Sometimes I cry because I miss our child whom I’ve never seen so much that it hurts. Sometimes I cry for their birth mother, because for one reason or another she will not see them start Kindergarten, or wear a cap and gown, or marry the love of their life, or raise a child of their own. For whatever reason it is, I do a lot of crying. As beautiful as adoption is, it comes as a result of something horrific, and it’s ok to mourn that. In fact, it’s healthy. I am so thankful for the friends who don’t feel awkward when I sob over the phone, the adoptive moms I see at church who let me cry in their arms in the middle of the lobby on a Sunday morning, and our family members who understand firsthand the joy and the tragedy of raising someone else’s baby.

The waiting period hasn’t been the easiest, but these beautiful gestures from our friends have been such an encouragement. We are reminded by their words and actions everyday that God has called us to something that he promises to bring to fruition, and for them we are forever grateful.

We're now #11 on the waiting list!

Movin' on up...one (cari)baby step at a time.